What are the most difficult and useful things people have to learn in their 20s? originally appeared on Quora – the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights.

Answer by William Beteet, The Lazy Philosopher on Soundcloud, on Quora:

1. She/he doesn’t love you, and that’s okay.There was a girl named Tianna, and I thought I was destined to be with her. I quit smoking for her, wrote screenplays for her, put on a ton of muscle for her – I professed my love to her a couple of times and was rejected – and that’s okay. I didn’t fail because love isn’t something to achieve.

2. Fulfillment is a lie.You will never achieve success so great that you will no longer feel the need to do something to feel whole. You must treat fulfillment like nutrition, and do something enriching every day to feel alive.

3. You need to experience shame to achieve your dreams.Bomb at an open mic, send your novel to someone who’s going to paint it red, make a thousand cold calls. Don’t live in the minds of others; focus on your primary goals, and remember no one looks sexy on their climb to the top.

4. Fall In love with pain. While I was in Copenhagen, I told an Italian man the secret to being happy in life was to fall in love with pain. Then you will not only be able to withstand the arduous journey to becoming the strongest version of yourself, but you’ll enjoy yourself along the way.

5. You must settle.To have what you want, you have to settle for a lot of things you might not want at that moment. I eat “settle on” foods because having a great body is more important. I settle with not going out with as much as I use to because standup is more important. Plan out what you’re willing to settle on in advance, that way you don’t feel conflicted about having to make sacrifices.

6. Excitement is shallow.I’ve traveled all over the world and met people from all walks of life along the way. The people who were just traveling for excitement for several months all sounded the same. Chasing excitement as an end is redundant. Soon there are no more novel truths to discover.

7. Loneliness is about you. I’m not lonely when I’m at the gym even though I’m training by myself, but I am lonely when I go to parties, and I’m a wallflower. Why? Because loneliness is about your engagement in that moment. So if you’re feeling lonely, close your computer and go for a run; it will get you back into the moment.

8. Sacrifice makes things mean something. I have performed stand up the 325 consecutive days. I’ve missed family gatherings, nights out with friends, dates, a trip to Brazil, Argentina, and Peru, but missing out on all of these things made my successes in standup mean so much more to me. So don’t look at it as a sunk cost, but an opportunity to make the thing you are working on worth more to you.